A Letter to My Blog ...

Dearest Blog .
Apologies ! SLAP !! (ouch !) . Head hung. I have been horrible to you for the past few months. I‘ve neglected you , I ve ignored you. I’ve been indifferent. And I know there is nothing worse than that. Its even worse than rejection ! . For in a rejection , one knows what the reason is or might be. And in ignorance one knows nothing , can expect to know nothing, and the conscience and the guilt keeps whamming the daylight and moonlight out of one.
You might think , “Yah , and now he’ll tell me all the reasons for his inexcusable behaviour Because he can give reasons, and reasons he will give,… sigh! And he can make people seem to believe them !! sob !” . But No , I will not , because I have no excuses. I am guilty as charged. Crudest of excuses I will give and which you can type down, take prints, bind and throw right onto my face. Because I am worth it . Worth the
Work ! you may ask. . Well yes , to an extent . one full month I was involved in it full time . but I do not consider it a credible reason to do injustice to you. .
Preparation for my exam ?. Sick! If that was a reason , I’d be happy and so would you ,because by now I would have excelled in it with flying colours. The fact that I have been telling myself that I have to prioritise it and work on it , and keep other things pending really makes me laugh at myself . Yes , A cynical ,hysterical laugh. A laugh that would make me ashamed.
If I had any decency . Any respect towards reading / writing as such I would have communicated with you. But I did not .There were a couple of poems I did pen down. I always thought of showing them to you. But I have no idea why I did not !. No excuse .Can’t think of one . I am at fault . And I cannot think of anything to answer you and your questioning glances. I know that u know I spent time reading books . If I could spare time doing that why couldn’t I spend a little time with you. Even if it was just a Hello. The way you stare at me .. you seem to be questioning me ..”Am I just an Accessory to you ? haan Answer me !!! ” If that is what is in your mind. I do not have an answer for it. I am skeptical myself .
I do not think I am a good writer, but at least I can write for my own self .Spit on the ethical me . And that ,I think should have been the basis of my relationship with you. My passion for expression was stifled. I was confused and refused to accept that fact . Reading and writing are inseparable since time immemorial . But as I saw it I neglected and was indifferent to writing. Though I passioned poems and dramatics now and then . .Havent really done justice to it. You and I know that it is through writing we came across each other . And did realize that we could have something between us . But my start was amiss somewhere .Maybe in the ideology of my relationship with you.
As I see now , I would want to make up for all the loss which has happened to u . And as a result to me. Please . Consider this plea. For I Promise to write and write for myself. For my expressions ,For your pathos . For Ethos of Language .. For my creative self . If I am creative as others find me. I shall write and express myself here.
Yours truly
CP